The patriarchal society, our parents and sometimes even the closest people around us will elaborate us on what we should be at this age, you’re approaching or already at. There is always a different battle we have in our minds for our milestone checklist, then there are others who have the assumptions/traditional stereotypical societal expectations for woman/womxn. Before all else, I pray that you were born in a family where before understanding that you are a girl child. They understood you are a child. It may sounds absurd on various levels but hell people do.
All women/womxn are constantly judged for their actions, are told we are off track and advising to put us back in our limits. Who made these limits? Why is it made only for women/womxn? From a very young age, we would’ve heard so many expectations wrapped in the pretty name of tradition & culture. Like wearing salwar or saree when it is a religious occasion and dress like a modern woman for parties, date nights, etc., while growing up as a teenager – body hair is good, asymmetrical eyebrows, chin hair and a moustache are good, talking/being friends to boys are bad, reading to get good grades are good, dreaming of doing a job is good, etc. They define life so simple where there is nothing beyond the two categories i.e. good or bad. Suddenly, we will see double standards arising from dark where having asymmetrical brows, facial hair & body hair is shameful, not getting married to a stranger or a lover is beyond the cultural limits, doing a job which makes you financially independent is suddenly looked as a selfish act. The biggest watermark for the double standards is we swiftly become less feminine to other’s.
I want to discuss everything I’ve been told, or I’ve seen people experience in regards to what makes us more feminine. Oh! those thin & long legs not the chubby thick thighs, your sexy walk with the heels not the sports shoes that you wear for comfort, your curly/straight hair, the length of your hair – the longer the better, the black color of your hair, your tiny waist, not the fat chubs, your BMI reading – the lesser the better, an early-riser, a good cook, unopinionated female, your clear fair glowing skin not the brown/dark complexion, your shy smile not the big laugh showing your teeth, cover your mouth with your palm while you smile makes you look elegant, your push-up bra because who doesn’t love big ta-tas, adjust to wearing an ass pad & a tummy tucker, know how to paint yourself with makeup, dress like a woman, Yes to piercing nose & ears but No to tattoos, learn stitching instead of playing in the ground, put your legs crossed while you sit, you’re a lady, go for Zumba/Yoga classes but no gym & weight lifting, No No to talking to boys but Yes Yes to getting married to a stranger, No to talking about your body & your pleasure but big Yes to having sex with the stranger you got married to, No access to sex education while growing up but as soon as you get married by early, mid or late 20’s bear in your mind about giving grandchildren is very important.
Femininity is a social construct to hold us back, making us jealous of our own compeer. You are a vagina owner. There is nothing more than this you need to prove to the world about what makes you more feminine. You walk into any room with the gawkiest clothes or sexiest clothes, purple, grey or blue hair of any length or even bald. You can possess all the stereotyped masculine qualities, still be the most feminine person. You can be feminine, masculine and anything & everything under the sun.